Dear Santa

I stole this from an email I got. I thought it was way cute.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good Mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the pediatrician's office more than my own doctor,
and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade
tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out
over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's
red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room, between
cycles.... and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next
18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache,
(in any color, except purple--I already have purple) and arms that don't
hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming
child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a
waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last
pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like shatter/fingerprint/drool-resistant windows and a radio that only plays
adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing
talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the
crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,
Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the
use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks
chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your
brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing
range and can only be heard by the dog. If it's too late to find any of
these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my
hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room
temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare chocolate a
vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful
if you could coerce my children to help around the house without
demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime
family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants fed or hauled somewhere.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to the
cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the
carpet. (BTW, you promised me last year you would lose some weight with
me so next year you and I could be a cute size six... Okay, some
requests go too far.....)

Yours Always,
MOM

P.S. One more thing...you can c ancel all my requests if you can keep my
children, healthy, safe, and of course, young enough to always believe
in Santa.